Courtesy: Harshad Sharma

From early September 2008, my Sundays are being spent in silence. Sundays are cleansing days and truly have been ‘holy’days. Time is useful spent on analysis of thoughts, moralization of desires, neutralization of anger, eradication of worries, and discovering who I really am. I have also tried to keep a log of victims at my hands in the past, and seek forgiveness from them and plan on compensating them for their hurts if possible; list past hurts caused by others so that I can forgive them and do them good consciously; maintain the names of my benefactors to at least leave a thank you note to them and wish them well.

To help me keep track of my introspection process, I have attempted to put together a tracking sheet.

I have so far kept my vow of Silent Sundays. After more than ten Sundays in silence, I have decided to write about my experiences. It is my hope that some of you, regular readers of my blog, could be inspired to follow your heart.

24 years ago, on 30 August 1984 to be precise, a day that I shall never forget, I was initiated into a simplified form of ‘Life Force Meditation’ (Simplified Kundalini Yoga or ‘SKY’ perfected by Swamiji Vethathiri Maharishi). I was pursuing my undergraduate engineering studies in Coimbatore then. I had three semesters to go and several arrears to clear, those haunting failures that I carelessly carried over from second semester onwards. A smoking habit had to be kicked and a general lack of seriousness in learning had to be overcome. My life-force was raised by my Guru on that life-changing evening. Ever since I started feeling my own life-force in the form of subtle vibrations, I have only gotten better as a human being. There were many battles to be fought in my own mind. Some I succeeded and several I lost. Many I didn’t even attempt to fight. Several losses spilled over and affected others, usually dear and near and colleagues in various offices that I worked in. It is my desire to go public, at least with the ones that will not cause harm now or in the future, with my inner travel experiences to help those friends who seek similar travel of their own.

The process of silence begins with a meditation. After about fifteen minutes or so of watching the life-force’s vibrations I sit down with my tracking sheet and start writing. Usually the day starts with the analysis of thoughts and then proceeds on to moralization of desires and so on until I finish the day spending time on discovering ‘Who am I?’ In between I sit down to meditate twice or thrice. Some days I used to get so tired of observing the inner drama and in my attempts to reinforce changed mindsets that I fall off into a short sleep. Over time, the battles have become easier to win and hence the need to take a nap has considerably reduced.

Today, I know for sure that my only goal in this birth is to let my life-force search and find its origin. My job as a human being is, therefore, to clear its path of unfulfilled desires, anger, worries, hurts and negative thoughts in my mind. Imprints from this birth; carried over by hereditary means; and those from my past actions must be purified. It is going to be a long and hard confrontation within myself. You shall get a glimpse of this combat as I travel forth searching for an unknown heavenly world. I have no idea what the future holds. I surely don’t know why I was born. I have no clue if a heaven or hell indeed exists. I don’t understand who God is. But I do know there is goodness in every human being. It is this goodness that prevents bad things from spreading like a wild fire. Therefore, I must let goodness develop. Once it develops inside, it will automatically spread like a southern breeze flowing down the flowering mountains in spring.

I have no desire to know the future. I shall live in the present. I must know who I am, my purpose of birth and where I am going to go after death. I must live a meaningful life and leave this world at least as a better human being. As long as I indulge mindlessly in pleasures, possess objects and be attached to people I shall remain as who I am. But I wish to renew and be born as a new being with a fresh and clearer mind and a purer heart. Nothing much is needed actually; except to just try and keep one’s thoughts clear.

Alongside the notes from these inner debates, I shall also continue to share with you in this diary what I stumble upon as ideas, new products, technologies and services concepts for a better world.

To constantly remind me of my promise to you, I shall henceforth start signing as ‘I Am New’ (an acronym for Introspection, Analysis of thoughts, Moralization of desires, Neutralization of anger, Eradication of worries, and Who am I).

One ought to believe that the highest form of renewable energies is within oneself.

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I Am New,
Krish Murali Eswar.